(return to Primate home)
Here, shake my hand. The name's Jake, but you could call me anything (but try not to make it anything mean). I'm a tangential laugh-lover who has a penchant for writing (allegedly) and making less-than-good jokes (I'd like to dispute this). Fifteen years and running.
I have a zest for life, a passion for being passionate, and my business is in smiling (although I freelance in being verbose).
In brief summary, I'm a zealous, well-rounded kid in America who likes superheroes, animals, and talking his butt off. But, then again, I've never been one to be brief.
My life is 99% dreamland, fantasies, and pleasant delusions of grandeur. The other 1% is when I'm sleeping. I have an imagined country called Jaketopia and it exists in a living, breathing universe, somewhere beyond the folds of space and time. Primate occasionally catalogues its history and the world around it (Earth-2, Mars-2, and the over-arching Reality-2). I'm good at entertaining myself. I value all the good things in life. I live by three core principles: protect the innocent, punish the evil, and LIFE is the most precious thing. Things I look down on the most: lust, greed, sloth, gluttony.
Despite my seeming incompetence, my passion is writing, and me can do it good when me want to. Me promiss.
Feminism is EXTREMELY important to me.
While it may seem like I'm destined to spend my life as a righteous noble among mortal men, I'm actually planning on pursuing a life of morality and imposition of good will. I hope to dedicate myself to delivering justice unto sex abusers and the like. Also at the core tenants of my beliefs are that objective morality is reality and reality is absolute.
I support rightly-guided vigilantism immensely.
The goal is never for the sicknesses to still reside on Earth, tamed and locked away by fear of their repercussions, but for the next phase of the world to be brought up without this disease and sin. The pre-answer is always better than the post-solution.
Shoot your local pedophile.
I'm repetitive, predictable, and might use parentheses & ellipses more than anybody else you know. Sorry... not sorry. (that was clever).
I tend to speak in two modes: one-liners or two-hour rants.
Raised and living in the sweet old state of Georgia. Dreams of living in the wilderness here. But if I could really have my pick, I'd choose Primatia.
Some would call me an oxy-moron.
I'm an optimist 99.999999% of the time. I love laughing, smiling, etc. And that's a stone-cold fact.
I've been described as a charismatic, handsome, and promising young leader, with a knack for bringing happiness to everyone's table. Don't ask me who described me like that -- the answer is probably "myself". (Other testimonies just call me a nerd).
And if the Jaketopians ask who I am, just tell them I'm the guy responsible for every good thing that's ever happened in the world. Don't let them know that I'm responsible for the bad, too.
Booster Gold (my FAVORITE superhero), The Justice League International, justice (even if it's not in a comic book), soup, feminism, Watchmen by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons, Teen Titans Go!, Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law, Grant Morrison's Animal Man, anti-anthropocentrism, anti-urbanism, writing 📝, dancing & singing (even if I'm terrible at both), fishing, laughs, hollers, and good times.
My idea of a good -- nay, great -- time can be imagined by picturing a day in the southern sun with a comic book, the lake, and some good music.
It should be mentioned that I LOVE DC comics and superheroes are VERY near and dear to me. Chief among them all is Booster Gold, who I love unwaveringly and with all of my heart, flesh, and soul.
I mean, seriously. Nothing makes me happier than my favorite superheroes. It takes every fiber of my being (and then some) to stop myself from chucking up hours worth of comic book prolix every time I open my mouth. People love me at parties.
Beyond superheroes, I'm interested in biology and worldbuilding, among a variety of other things.
Music-wise, I like Led Zeppelin, Bob Dylan, Men at Work, The Police, XTC, Talking Heads, MF Doom, Fiona Apple, Sade, etc. Blues, hard rock, prog rock, classic rock, folk rock, any rock, really. And I like adult standards, new wave, anything good. I'm an everyman. And, by all accounts, a Superman. Or did they call me a bird? (Or, maybe, I think they might have said I was a plane.)
Primate came about in October 2021 (8th grade), blooming first as a bored whim discovered during one of the many classes I tended to goof off in at the time. It housed a variety of content, from reviews to a warehouse of mediocre (dare I say terrible) original fiction from your very own ME. Nowadays, Primate serves as more of a mediocre (I would never dare say terrible) blog, which entertains no one but myself. Primate is the defintion of a personal site: uninteresting, unassuming, and obnoxious. But, boy, do I love it.
You can share my site by copy-and-pasting the code below onto your own homepage. It's to share my 88x31 button, which I will also display under this text.
The links page shares ways to contact me, as well as many other curious (you'll never guess this) links.