I'd like to introduce myself now...

The ABC's of Primate

Awesomely affable besides being constantly cool. Delightfully eccentric. Exceptionally ecstatic. Easily exceeds every expectation. Fantasizes future glories happily in Jaketopia. Kitchy, laugh-loving monkey-man. Nobody orchestrates performances quite resembling such talent. Unusual veneration viewing vigilantes. Vividly visualize what xanadu yon zealot arises by creating countless countries. Done. End. For good. Honestly.

Followed by an inane introduction from Me to Poo

I NEVER JOKE ABOUT POOP! Is what I'd say if it was “opposite day”.

My name is Jake, but you could call me Monger (it's a Jaketopia thing). I have a zest for life, a passion for being passionate, and my business is in smiling (although I freelance in being verbose). Hoots, hollers, and good times are my specialty. Sixteen years and running (Jan 14 2008). One could describe me as a tangential Pollyanna who roams glorious lands in search of wily amusement and/or empyrean sights. Or, perhaps, a fustian wordmonger with a heart for humor and a brain for superheroes. Perhaps: “prog-rock alien robot”. Perhaps: “very, very good-looking”. Perhaps: “bizarrely intelligent and witty”. Perhaps, even: “the all-powerful Word Monger”. But never once “annoying” or “big-headed”. If you’re wondering what I’m doing at the moment, pick random from any of the following: hiking (and, boy, do I wish it was in Jaketopia), writing (I’m one of the infinite monkeys), antiquing (unearthing some long-undiscovered mystic treasure), learning (the likes of spectacular sciences, lustrous literature, amazing animals, anthropologic ancestries, or, sadly, stodgy scholastics centered at school), or traversing the stars (likely less literally). More often than not, the apparent truth will be that I’m somewhere under a tree/near water's edge being entertained by comic crusades of caped avengers. I am a DC comics fan especially inclined to the Justice League International and Green Lantern Corps, with a special fondness for late 80s and mid 90s Vertigo titles & those gemmy stories by the pseudo-intellectual folks across the pond. On my blogging style: I’m an abuser of parentheses & ellipses. Sorry… not sorry. (That was clever.) Another adored annoyance: abandoning abashedness and abusing alliteration. If I updated this site appropriately, you'd find me most often turning out titillating tales of the activities I get lost in the most, which would signify innumerable writing on the following: adventures in Ellijay & Blue Ridge Georgia (where "Vanishing Point" is) (meaning mountain-scaling, trekking around a train-track town, rooting around relics at various unique shops, and comic-hunting), and adventures in suburban Georgia (where home is). Additionally oft: lake-lounging, barn-bumbling, and fishing-failing (I’m bad at fishing). Also expect a fat load of knight-errant chivalry spun of boredom in the classroom, and terrible superhero opinions/reviews. There's also a VERY decent amount of talk centered around my world-children (Ertu, The Primate Planet, and Anibia).

A Jaketopian Joke: “A Martian, an apeman, and a human being walk into a bar. He orders one beer.”

My life is 99% dreamland, fantasies, and pleasant delusions of grandeur. The other 1% is when I'm sleeping. Thus I have plenty of time to construct many a world in my head, and many minutes more to love on them. Those most notable of lands reside in a plane of existence shared with the “Noble” (you’ll get that pun later) nation of Jaketopia, on the planet Ertu (Earth-2). You’ll understand the history of all this as we go on together. I'm sure that's very exciting for you.


I've been described as a charismatic, handsome, and promising young leader, with a knack for bringing happiness to everyone's table. Don't ask me who described me that way -- the answer is probably "myself". (Other profilings just call me a nerd.) People tell me I'm different, and I'd have to assume they mean it in a nice way at least a third of the time. Many a Martian call me a friend. Many a Primate Planet pilgrim call me a lord.

Ape Stances

Primate doesn’t get political.

Though, Primate firmly believes the following: objective morality is reality and reality is absolute. The goal is never for sickness to still reside on Earth, tamed and locked away by fear of their repercussions, but for the next phase of the world to be brought up without this disease and sin. The pre-answer is always better than the post-solution. Three core principles: protect the innocent, punish the evil, and LIFE is the most precious thing. Shoot your local pedophile. (Hell, maim and castrate him if you can.) Also, superheroes are awesome.

The Button

You can share my site by copy-and-pasting the code below onto your own homepage. It's to share my 88x31 button, which I will also display under this text.

Email me at jadeknight2008@gmail.com