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We used to have a saying on Old Primate...

Why do I write fiction? For the fame and the fortune. And because I like it. [...] I like fiction because it's art, and the best part about art is that if you're a terrible artist, you can just slap a big label on your masterpiece that says, "THIS IS ABSTRACT, AND IF YOU DON'T GET IT, YOU'RE STUPID AND CLOSED-MINDED!" Not like I'd ever do that. But if you really don't get my writing, you're totally stupid and closed-minded.

That's from me, summer of 2022. I make some good points: you're definitely deficient in some way if you don't mindlessly applaud everything I do, and fame and fortune are certainly very nice (though, not what I'm after). But there's some pitfalls here. I don't tell the truth. Why do I REALLY write? Well, gee, I don't know. Probably because Jaketopia's the only place where an apeman, a Martian, and a human can be the same thing, and it's just another ordinary Wednesday. And because It's not like I have anything better to do. Just kidding. The real answer's that you'll never know-- and that's a cop-out, because I don't know either.

Story navigation can be found below.

Common themes and topics: objective morality, absolute reality, metafiction, industrialization/urbanization, feminism, evolution, and fun stuff, too, like aliens, monkeys, soldiers, and my always charming wit.

Catalogue:

• Of course, I'm not smart or literate enough to have published any of those stories yet-- but, um. They're coming.