The Blog The Blog11:05AM. "He drops from the heart of his strangely-shaped craft like a bolt of azure fury, rippling muscles bunched tight beneath bright cloth, fierce eyes narrowed behind gleaming golden goggles..." Would you believe me if I said that's how the local newspaper described me getting off of the school bus?
You guessed it. Today is Monday, and like every other day where the sun rises and the birds sing, today is going to be a good day.
11:37AM. What a lovely day. Sun is shining, the grass is green, and guess what I'm having for breakfast? ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. Actually, for breakfast, I had some cereal, a Vietnamese pork/rice cake, and some lunch meat. AKA: The ushj. Short for "usual".
Sometimes, I try to go back and read the posts on my own blog. I quickly find myself annoyed and uninterested. I'm sure that you have a very different experience, and are instead wildly enthused by my immature, wordy skylarking. If you ever want to spend your life indulging in nonsensical fantasylands, you're free to live vicariously through me.
Today is Saturday, which no doubt blooms bountiful buds of positivity on its horizon. I've got a haircut in about 20 minutes, and if you read this blog, you may already know that I love those. My $13 paperback copy of Watchmen comes in the mail today, as well as my Mister Miracle t-shirt, and I can't wait to reread my favorite graphic novel while snug as a bug in a rug in another classic tee that probably won't fit me quite right (but is sure to make me 100% happy nonetheless). I'd also like to spend some time bouncing around outside today, as well as bring some comics out by the pool for fun in the sun. On top of that: I want to lift weights this eve. And get some writing done. Current prospects: more stories about robots, monkeys, and overgrown manchildren. So goes in Jaketopia.
I feel happy.
10:53PM. "In the time of chimpanzees, I was a monkey."
When Primate first came up, I pulled this line out of my ass and tried to make it mean something, make this nonsense Beck lyric the tagline of this site, in a smart way. But it fits Primate the best when it is what it really is: just a cool line that mentions monkeys. You wanna know something else? It's Friday. TGIFRIDAY. Cinco de Mayo. And today has been a good day.
I had some action figures come in the mail today. A beautiful Booster and Beetle set, from McFarlane toys, except I bought them third-party from eBay. Great deal, great set, great day. Today was the usual Jake jam. Barnes and Noble, superheroes, some doodling and writing, talking about the same things I do every day. I just wanted to come in and say I'm happy.
PS: Sometimes, I talk to people, and they seem to get this impression that I'm very insecure (usually, though, they get the impression that I'm very good looking, funny, and agreeable) and I would like to address that this is not a true statement at all. I don't hate myself, I just like to be something called humble, which I am, very. It's one of my many fantastic qualities. After all, who could possibly hate me? Don't answer that. Really, don't answer any of the questions I ask on this site, unless it's me asking "Hey, you guys love me, right?" and your answer is a resounding "YES" (why wouldn't it be? Stop, I said don't answer that).
PPS: Every time you think something I said was a bad joke that fell flat, just know that I'm playing a character called "the guy who can only tell worse-to-okay jokes". Just know that I'm actually an acting genius, not a comedic failure.
1:42PM. Okay, I'm sorry, but I have to say this. PAUSE!!!!!!
Now, if you're a family member, friend, or peer of mine in any sense, you might be tired of hearing that. We're having a normal conversation, maybe you're minding your own business, and then all of a sudden, you hear me shriek this out. "PAUSE!!!!!!!!!"
Tell me that isn't an effective way to get people to listen to me. Don't actually. And don't tell me that it's very, very obnoxious. In fact, it'd be better if you just told me, "Jake, I'm so glad you care enough about your fellow man that you want us all to hear the amazing, interesting things you have to say, and will go the distance to captivate us. You have never said something I didn't find deep interest in, ever, in my life."
If you're a good friend, like my buddy Wesley, or my dear Vic from Canada, you might even find this habit of mine funny, and will entertain anything I say after this loud remark. Now be a good friend, and entertain me. I'm a manchild, so I need lots of attention.
I came here to say -- I came here to PAUSE your usual broadcasting to say -- that I have never really liked Guy Gardner. He's just not a good guy, plain and simple. He should get beat up more often.
Um... yeah. That's all I had to say. Thanks. Peace out.
PS: Aren't you glad you stuck around to hear that? Wait, PAUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I forgot to say something else. Giffen and DeMatteis are seriously a dream team. They are so freaking funny. I never get tired of their wit and silliness. Thank you, again, for listening. Not like you have a choice. I am the ominipotent force behind Primate, remember? And I'm sending you to JAKETOPIAN JAIL, just for that dirty look you're giving me. That look that makes it look like you don't care that much about reading my INCREDIBLY important opinions. Straight to prison. No bail.
PPS: Wow. I am not surprised at all that everyone likes me and thinks I'm a great guy. Agree, now.
1:16PM. You know, at some point, Primate may have been considered a mildly entertaining website to visit. Nowadays, I prefer to spin ninny, meandering yarns about my life that no one really cares about. This is a personal blog, for Pete's sake! If you want to read something actually interesting go find another blog! Why should I care if you don't want to read about my suburban adventures?
...
Wait. Come back. I need to tell you about my AP Exam.
COLLEGEBOARD! I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT! I SWEAR -- CROSS MY HEART AND HOPE TO DIE! -- THAT I WON'T DISCUSS TEST MATERIAL WITH ANYONE, NOT EVEN MY TEACHER! Unhand me! All I wanted to say was that I did my little exam today, and it was a piece of very tasty pie. Probably a rhubarb one. With some vanilla ice cream on the side.
Oh, how I worried! Oh, my tumult! Primate, you saw it -- I don't just dive into nonsensical, wordy prose like that for no reason!
...
Well, okay, maybe I do. But I was scared silly! And boy, I really didn't study all that well. It should have taken a spectacular twist of benevolent fate for that test to be easy on me. Huh! I guess you can call me SCOTT FREE, then, because I must be MISTER MIRACLE.
The itinerary thus far today has been as follows: 7:30AM. Arrive at school, at the gates of academic damnation. Maybe not eternal inferno, but at least 4 hours of hellfire. Fear manifests under the dips of my armpits -- or is that just me sweating awkwardly? I am 15 and full of social neuroses, after all. Either way, I was preparing myself to face a felonious foe, venture into a treacherous Tartarus, and write more alliterative ailments. Multiple choice questions, free responses, oh my. But I remained cool -- when have I not? (Don't answer that.)
My teacher wrote a note for me: "You have a wealth of knowledge and I am so proud of you. You're going to do great." That buttered me up -- she couldn't possibly be wrong, could she? The test began, and it stretched until 11:11, at which point I was bored, but confident, doodling Booster Gold all over my FRQ prompt packet. When I left the gymnasium (where me and the other prisoners were held captive during the scourge) my dad informed me that I'd aced the biology EOC I took just a couple days ago. And I'm preeeettty sure I aced the AP Human test, too. Or, I hope so. All that matters is I believe in MYSELF -- and you should believe in ME too. Why? Because I damn well said so. Please. Pretty please.
Anyhoo... (hello, Daniel D.)
My grandparents picked me up from school and we went to lunch, where I detailed some more of my thoughts on the upcoming Blue Beetle movie. Try having a conversation with me where I DON'T do that. It's impossible, but try anyways, because I like talking to people.
The lunch's end brings me to this moment, out on my back porch, about to enjoy some good reading in the sun. Ah, what a lovely day.
Oh, one last thing... Stop me if you've heard this one before...
Today is Thursday. And it certainly has been/will be a good day.
7:33PM. Now and then, like everybody else, I find myself reflecting on my own "glory days", which by my own definition tend to be any day that I've been alive that didn't hail between 5th and 7th grade. And even the end of 7th grade, the last week of that school year, is a time I think of fondly. But especially lately, I've been thinking of a year past.
This time, 365 days ago, I was in a budding, beautiful relationship, ritualistically engaged in fitness escapades, preparing for a summer filled with exciting charms and diving into comics that would soon be some of my favorites. Those were good times. However, I also had this major itch in my ass that would keep me up at night, wriggling savagely in bed trying to free myself of its torturous probing. So, you win some, you lose some. Nowadays, life is pretty tip-top, if I do say so myself. I feel like I have a mental clarity that I didn't have a year ago, and I'm not feeling lonely. I feel satisfied. I feel like the future is quite promising (even independent of the fact that a Booster Gold live action TV show is coming in the next few years) and I'm spending plenty of afternoons and weekends outside, enjoying more family time than I did a year prior to the present, and I feel myself getting more dedicated to getting in that World's Finest shape again (okay, maybe the more realistic physique is akin to ol' lovable Teddy Kord). This summer is going to be a bushel of fun, and then some. And while I can usually attribute even the greatest periods in my life to some sort of bowel issue, I feel like I'm pooping pretty well lately. Some prunes from Publix and I'll be 100% set. So things are going well for little old me, I guess you could say. You SHOULD say. Things are never really going bad for me.
Primate is my personal blog, now, so I can say I've got a few problems, but it's nothing I'd post here. Here, every day feels like Friday. Isn't that right, Peets?
Oh, yeah. Peets is my sidekick on Primate. I just made him up (by the simple process of shamelessly ripping off Skeets).
Anyhoo.
I just wanted to pop in and say hello. Maybe soon I'll make a post about my thoughts on time travel.
4:37PM. I find myself in confusing dialogues with myself sometimes. "Don't get that cake. You'll regret it." "Fine." "I know you're still thinking about it." "HOW?" "Because I AM you thinking about it." "Oh. Right." "If you don't get that cake, I'll give you a surprise/treat later." "Awesome! ... Wait. How are YOU going to give me surprise? If you already have it, then I already have it." "Uh...."
4:08PM. Yes... life is very pleasant indeed. It's Tuesday, and today? Today is absolutely a good day.
This week -- the preamble of beautiful May -- is AP/EOC week, and so I'm at home, doing virtual school, except for the brief moments I must find my way to the familiar high school campus where I'll be testing. Today: biology EOC. Easiest thing ever. I took a brief nap between the two sections of the test and had a full dream, but couldn't recall it after a few minutes of full consciousness. Then: Barnes and Noble, as is usual for a man of my pleasures. I spend most of my time lately bumbling in the borderline-summer sun, lounging by the pool, reading Booster Gold comics, and writing. I've returned to Jaketopia (oh, how I missed the motherland!) and I'm four pages into a short story right now. It takes place in Annaland, building up to the Greatest War, but isn't focused on the rising global tensions. It's about a disagreeable man who exists as a cybernetic city citizen. An excerpt, describing the current state of affairs during antebellum:
Maybe, in the corner of my mind, I can hear the news I caught ear of this morning. Cramped on the subway, squeezed between an obese man and another obese man, trying not to smell the piss of the rising sun. The bus speakers chatter: Ketchikaria is erroneous in all aspects of their policies (allegedly, they are most wrong at their nuclear facilities, where they believe they have the chance of competing with us)… the Tutu dollar has reduced to an eighth of what it was a decade ago… Weslandia’s war against drugs delivers another million in fatalities… West Jaketopia is firming up its immigration policy again… the DOP faces internal conflict similar to what WJKT faced in the 60s… Central Jaketopia is overcrowded, spilling over… all of these things are spat at us at once. All of us, rattling underground, Annalandian averages. The pinheads on my sides must be from East Jaketopia; they speak to one another, words flying over the top of my head. Beastly giants, with the faces of comic book supervillain henchmen. They have the dry, eggy skin that belongs to fishermen in the mid latitudes. Their lumpkin demeanors remind me of the time that I spent in EJKT: the morning walks I’d have with Skippy, along the port, Skip’s little gray paws bouncing over the cobblestone, and his yips at the spherical, scaly boaters, who closely resemble my friends here on the train. All of these images come to my mind. The accident with Skippy, who was left in the house, and waking up in the hospital bed with gauze covering my left arm, braces on my shoulders, bandage wrapped all around my head. Angel had only been my Guiding Light for a month and a half. She was at my bedside rubbing her thumb over my hand.
Not the best writing from the story thus far, but it sets the scene for Earth-2 at the time.
Anyhoo, I'm enjoying my day. Just wanted to check in and say hi.
2:53PM. I'm in the last hour of my school day. Oh, hey. It's Friday. So, of course -- naturally -- it must be so: today has been a good day. Great, even. Splendiferous... if you dare.
They don't call it TGIFRIDAY for nothin'.
YES -- yesterday was awesome. My last periods just keep getting better and better. Yesterday: my Driver's Ed teacher gave me total control of the big board in front of the class (she let me log into my school account and everything) and play my Spotify for everyone. There were riots, sure, but in the end, I win. Always, I WIN.
Well, not every battle. I was forced to play some DJ Khaled and the "Bible Shuffle" (the Christian Cha Cha Shuffle) at certain low points. But these are small losses in the grand scheme of a war...
I was able to read comics on the huge screen at the front of the class (which forces my classmates/hostages to listen to me audibly annotate pages of the "Boostershot" storyline from Action Comics) while enjoying good rock and roll in the comfort of my pupil seat. Is there anything better? Before you answer, the correct response is "NO!" or else you're, frankly, a snake oil salesman.
Can you tell I'm in a good mood right now?
12:33PM. I had started typing a post here yesterday before leaving my final period, but I restarted my computer and lost the draft. This is bittersweet because I lost a lot of eloquent prose, but also lost a lot of nonsense. Let's just say there was some very long, melodramatic tale about a climatic seaside tumult that was supposed to be describing my school day and its climactic (see what I did there?) end. I believe I started out the blog post with these exact words: "YES!!!! YES!!!!! YES." Then: I began describing a torrid, impetuous tempest ransacking the docks of East Jaketopia (representing the utter boredom and general lowlights of the school day, although it was actually a pretty good one; it was just that the last period was SO AMAZING that it made everything else deathly pale in comparison). I believe I had planned to lead the story from the ports to a beautiful calm after the storm, where the ecosystem was flourishing and rainbows were abound in the tranquil mist. Essentially: my final class yesterday was Spanish, and I was terrified going into it. Spanish has been VERY easy (you might even say peasy), but I had an oral summative that was a matter of success only acheived by studying, and I am a horrible, horrible studier (which you likely know already if you read Primate). By this, I mean I did not study at all, and very characteristically (stupidly) launched myself into the room announcing to everyone my despair, exclaiming that I did not prepare at all and would most likely fail. I don't know why I did this -- what a jester I am.
When seated, my teacher handed me the rubric, and one of the main four areas of mastery necessary to make the grade, to my complete disdain, happened to be "PREPAREDNESS". This would mean that it was clear the student had come to class after sufficient studying and practicing. AKA, the exact thing I had denounced as I bumbled theatrically into the room.
My confidence in myself bordered on wavering, but my obnoxious ego saved me. Despite my worries, a cooler, more laidback Jake always had my back -- he was the same Jake who always encouraged me to never study. I could hear his reassuring voice whispering in the back of my mind: How could you actually fail? You always pull these things out of your ass... And that was cool, but also seemed impossible (for once), since this summative's task was as follows: I am to memorize around 120 slides of a Spanish PowerPoint presentation summarizing a Spanish novel I did not read, and then, on the day of the assessment, randomly be assigned a chapter or two from the presentation to recite... filling in randomized blanks, telling a story I was entirely unfamiliar with. Oh me. Oh my. But of course, as you know from the beginning of this blog post, I would emerge wildly victorious.
The process of assigning a chapter was simple. When it was your group's time to be assessed, a member of the team would pull a balled paper out of a bucket, which is intermittently jumbled, shaken by a mad storm (my teacher, who I'm actually quite fond of). Now, it's important to note that despite working in groups, the grades are on an individual basis. It should also be noted that the best chapters to be assigned would be 1-5, but the hand of fate is not so gentle. That is, not for most people. I, for some reason, seem to be a wildly lucky ducky. I would like to take this moment to drop to my knees and scream, in all caps, bolded, to the sky: THANK YOU!!!!!!!
While other groups are beginning their walks on the metaphorical plank... I am allowed to study. Silently. Sharing one computer with my group of three other students. We must operate in complete verbal abstinence to complete this mission...
Luckily, my disjointed team of four (including me) is 1/4 asleep and 1/4 distracted on his phone. All that's left is me and Mayukha. So we study. And this is no trivial feat.
Meanwhile, the first group is on the stand. Twenty eager eyes perversely watch the spectacle at hand; we are vultures awaiting the arrival of a dead beast on the highway. A selection of fate is commencing, paper being unfurled with timid hands.
A collapse of the spirit. Group #1 has selected chapters 14 and 15. For this collective of sunken-shouldered soldiers, destiny had already finished spinning her fatal yarn.
While Mayukha and I pore over the first few chapters in the presentation, frantically attempting to memorize words so quickly that their translations render meaningless, the next team reaches for their own pestulent doom. 14-15. Again. Twice in a row, this sulphurous sentence has found its sufferers. Nervosity rises in my throat. Mayukha and I have switched the presentation to those chapters, attempting to humor ourselves in this vile joke played by chance. Rules of probability are discarded.
After the first draw, I initially found jubilance. I attempted to communicate to Mayukha that that team's martyred draw of 14 and 15 was a good sign for us; it meant that those nefarious numerators were gone from the pool of options we would be presented with. It was then relayed to me that I was dramatically wrong -- devastatingly wrong. Each pick would be deposited back into the cave to hide out and ambush another squad of young pupils. These were perilous, insecure times...
The third group was left with mouths agape and dismal grades. The third group had also been aquainted with 14 and 15.
At this point, an air of scant confidence remained around me.
A quip from my teacher came. Something to the effect of: "I promise there are other numbers in the basket." For me, it would have been a blessing if there weren't. I was betting on 14 and 15. Betting on desperate prayers I'd made minutes earlier that this streak would continue.
Then, the group before mine drew the final slip before my step upon the unpredictable guillotine. That coincidental run of fate had ended: ten, eleven, one, two, three -- it didn't matter the exact numbers. All that carries from that moment is that I had experienced fear like I had never before. My blood stilled to such a quietude that I was sure my body could not move. All of my superstitions were grinding panicked cacophonies in my sensitive ears; all of my hopes were resting upon the helm of that streak. That streak that had just been shattered.
Suddenly, it's time. Chapters 14 and 15 were the only segments I knew to completion. My time felt wasted. I felt as if I was a fool beyond humor.
I smack Nirv on the back of his head and wake him up. He... he is doomed. Cade puts down his phone. He is also doomed.
I declare that I will pick the paper. The barrel of a red plastic gun stared into my eyes; this was the watchful look of death.
The papers were not white printer grade I could see through. The slips were crumpled up, red construction paper, in entirely homegenous shapes. They were indistinguishable from each other. Until.
Until.
Until.
I see a paper slightly less crumbled than the others.
I connect the dots.
I reach forward -- tentatively, with the trepidation of a man on the frontlines -- and I unfurl chapters 14 and 15. I drop to my knees, I jump to the sky, I clutch my hands to my heart, and scream to the heavens... I scream like a mountain goat who has just found a wealth of shrub to feast on, upon the highest peak of a starving summit...
I bleat with rejuvenation... I am above the clouds.
"YES! YES! YES!!!!!"
All in all. I got a 100.
PS: I also drew many tiny robots on my rubric, crying on their knees and begging my teacher to give me and my group 100s.
2:03PM. WELL. I studied AP Human for an HOUR.
Basically. Pretty much. Okay, fine, it was more like 45 minutes. So 3/4 of an hour. But still. How's that for studious?
It was only a minute amount of the studying I should do before the exam, though. Color me nervous/consider me scared. The upside: I consulted my AP teacher and her teacher friend (who I was in the class of, to study) and expressed to them both my concerns. Does failure loom beyond the vision I can capture in my near-sighted perception of the future? Is it true that somewhere else... DOOMSDAY IS COMING!? Unrelentingly... DOOMSDAY IS COMING! Unstoppingly... DOOMSDAY IS COMING! UNBELIEVABLY... DOOMSDAY IS H-
Enough quoting The Death of Superman. You get my point.
Anyways, the kind professors simultaneously reassured me, complimented me, and made me all the more trembly. It was a rollercoaster of sorts: "The passing rate for AP exams across the country is 51%..." Oh no! "But for our test, it's 86%." Oh, yay! "But if you haven't been studying, or taking advantage of all your resources, it is very possible to fail." Errr... "But it's not too late." Yes!
The compliment came as sort of a fore-warning from my teacher: "You shouldn't worry, because you have a certain general wealth of knowledge," (thanks!). My response was that that was both nice but also the set-up for my problematic punchline, courtesy of my own laziness: "But that's the root of my problem! I've just been skating off of that my whole academic career, and now that this is on the line..." And then I got two different responses. From one teacher, "Well, you'll in all honesty probably be able to skate off of your intelligence until entering the professional world." (Yikes. Probably shouldn't tell me that, because it just gives me incentive to keep being lazy and saying, Welp. I'll just try later. NO, Jake!!! You have to give it your all!) (Jake, you are very arrogant and obnoxious sometimes.) And as for the other teacher, she told me, essentially, that I still need to study for this exam. Yeah. I KNOW. In all caps, bolded, H-E-L-P me. I really have to work--
Wait. Who let me write on this blog instead of continuing my studies. DAMN YOU! *I slam my fists down onto my mahogany desk. The pearlescent lamp breathing a warm beam upwards your face rattles on the tabletop, and you can feel your heart stammer within your anxious chest. Saltwater breaths speed up in the flickering of the light. As my ward, you've grown accustomed to these outbursts of mine, as well as the tremulous voice that your ship captain inherits with every predictable bout of guilt after an embitterance is inflicted upon you. My hand slowly, shuddering, falls back to rest gently upon my papers. Your apprenticeship with me has led you bounds from your humble farm nest in West Jaketopia; crop-tending with mother has been replaced by exhibitions over the Eastern seas with a man dauntingly your senior. In our months aboard the Ursula together, our cadence has adapted a distant father-son rhythm of correspondence. To hail you, the young man I've decided has the best captainly timber to replace me, I acknowledge I must tame the rough oceanic tides of my rage. In a way, we both are teaching each other valuable lessons, as good friends often do...*
...
I apologize. I do appreciate your company here on the old Lady. Ursula must part ways with me soon, and when I step down from the brow of her nautical body for the last time, I must admit you should be my heir. Your presence at the lighthouse was quite pleasant. You will be a fine handler of my legacy when I am to depart this sect of the world. Now, hand me the inkwell. This quill has run dry. Return to your quarters and find yourself adequate rest for the journey tomorrow. We shall dock at Ballground and spend time investigating the shark population near the chicken processor. I hear there are suspicions emerging from that part of the isle. Then, if all goes according to plan, we may enjoy an afternoon of sail fishing.
Off with you now.
PS: I'm going to fail the exam, aren't I?
12:35AM. Primate, hold me accountable. I need to study for the AP Exam today, and I mean I HAVE to do it. And review for the Spanish summative.
Next period: I WILL review for AP Human for at least 10 minutes.
...
HEY, AT LEAST IT'S SOMETHING. I'll do more after school today. After school schedule: I will have a SMALL snack, I will work out, I will then do... HOMEWORK. *A lightning bolt breaks from between aged clouds above a midwestern sky. He revels in the thunderous atmosphere of the sky's berth before beginning his gaudy jaunt to the foothills of steamy Earth, who has been marinating in the tender preemptives of the upcoming storm for the misty, greyed half of an afternoon. The smack of the bolt's striking arrival rumbles mortal land from sod to bedrock, uplifting and igniting patches of cornfield within the heart of unprepared Kansas. A great tempest had begun, a harrowing battle waged between man and climate. This was the sign of an unsettling presence greeting a gentle, mild-mannered warrior residing east of the noble Mississippi. This was the first acknowledgment on Earth that Jake was going to have to do his homework...*
If you think I'm dramatic, you obviously are not a procrastinator like 👇 THIS GUY.
I think that's the only picture I've ever put of myself on this version of the site. Huh. Neat.
Of course it's a picture of me in the bathroom. I'm an oft visitor of that place.
And of course I'm making that stupid face and wearing that stupid shirt. This picture characterizes me very well. Hey, who wants to go to the movie with this guy? I know I do.
PS: Pooping never gets easier. You just get stronger.
10:43AM. Woof. This time travel business gets confusing.
9:43AM. Okay, yes. Today is Tuesday, today is going to be a good day, all of that, yes. But I'll save my usual grinning and dancing AM blog post for next period. I'm busy reading comics right now. Shh. Leave me alone and let me focus.
I just paused my Booster Gold for a minute to tell you two things. Ooh, this story hurts! It's always bittersweet when Booster goes back in time on a mission and ends up gallavanting with Blue Beetle again for the sake of nostalgia ("I mean, let's face it -- if you'd come back here on some top-secret mission, you would have brought future-me along with you!" Oh, that just hurts). Also, this next thing isn't just bittersweet, it's just plain sour. I pranked myself and thought that the Flash movie would come out today. It doesn't. It's just screening today. It comes out in July, still.
Who am I kidding? Nothing is ever glass half empty. There's sweetness to this too. At least we'll get to hear more about these first looks of the new movie... I hope someone says Bale is actually in it.
PS: This characterization of Blue Beetle is a little wacky, but it's fun. Thanks, Giffen!
PPS: Oh my gosh. I just had to chew away the biggest GUFFAW. Barda: "A warrior makes due with materials at hand!" Beetle: "Well, I think I've just made DOO -- right in my tights!"
Man, it's like reading Ambush Bug. That was funny.
PPPS: Reminder: you can read this issue here. #35 of Booster Gold v2. I only read about a couple pages from #34 yesterday, so I've got my share of delights today.
10:10PM. I have 20 minutes till I go to bed. I really hope for lucidity tonight. Let me paint, for you, a picture:
It's peace times in Jaketopia. It isn't antebellum and it isn't the postmortem mourning of some great war. It is a special slate in history where the generation that promenades so carelessly along the grey shores of East Jaketopia is one that never will know conflict like their sons, daughters, parents, and grandparents. This is the greatest time to be alive. There are women laying by the coast with mermaid tails made out of sand, and there are fishermen who collect their bounties with pleasure and well-faring tides. It's raining slightly and it smells like seawater. A foghorn bellows kindly from a galvanized stomach and a porpoise leaps from between folding waves. A fair is on exhibition walking distance from your moistened position on the beach. If you were to rinse your silty toe in-betweens and step away from the gentle licks of the darkened tides against your ankles, you could be ambling around a Primatian carnival in minutes.
I would like to go here -- there.
11:58AM. The sensation I experience during lunchtime at school on most days can only be attributed to one special emotional designation, an elation described purely by that ~40 minute period. I feel good! Like I knew that I would. Lunch is over by now, but I'm still happy, which should be expected. You know "Tom Sawyer"? Modern day warrior, mean, mean, stride, today's Tom Sawyer, mean, mean pride. Well, I'm a Monday warrior, glee(ful), glee(ful) stride, today's Monday, today is going to be a good day.
Bad pun. Nah. Bad you.
Anyways... Or should I say, anyhoo (hello, Daniel Dreiberg).
I've accidentally started doing all the things I wanted myself to do. For instance, I was talking to my family about how I was having stomach problems, and my dad of course suggested I was eating too much cheese. I then thought about it and realized, wow, I do not even eat cheese anymore. And I told my dad that, and then we started talking about it, and I rarely consume dairy at all anymore. When I do, it's incredibly sparingly. All my body seems to crave/receive/react well to lately is chicken, fruits, and veggies. All I can find myself carnally desiring would probably be various meats, potatoes, and fruits. I haven't been doing a lot of my old vices lately. My two biggest ones were boiled milk/warmed milk and just plain slices of cheese/handfuls of shredded cheese. I barely even have sandwiches anymore, and I don't really do cereal, and I only spontaneously bought cottage cheese yesterday (I tried it this morning and it was simultaneously disgusting and delicious. I don't know why, but it tastes better in Iowa). And that cottage cheese was certainly a rarity for me. I also cut out carbs like a boss. On accident. Now that I'm conscious of my improvement, I am likely to have a piece of naan with liver when I get home. As a reward.
I also read a lot more, poop daily (praise the Lord... you don't know the struggle this is), spend more time outside, and I'm still working on dedicating myself more to a workout regimen, but I'm getting there... slowly.
I feel good. I feel healthy. Hallelujah.
PS: Anna wants to go to Trader Joes and see the Mario movie soon. I've got to make sure I don't blow all my money on aquarium supplies and Jaketopian accessories before this.
PPS: Yes, we're still technically broken up. But we love each other, we're each other's best friends, we only want to be with each other, etc. So. Here's to a year and more of Jake and Anna.
8:57AM. A Friday? This beautiful morning felt like a Sunday. And it's a Monday. That reminds me of a J&A classic quote: "Yeah, last Saturday I thought it was Sunday, turns out it was Thursday, how's that for a Tuesday? Talk about the worst Monday ever, Wednesday."
Oh my gosh, sorry. Give me a second before I continue this blog post. I'm laughing too hard.
...
Alright, now that I've regained my composure, let me just say I had a wonderful, wonderful weekend. I spent all of Saturday outside, literally frolicking, playing, jumping, and dancing in the sun, barefoot in the grass, briefly splashing in the pool (in my pajamas, my favorite outfit: my middle school t-shirt and a pair of boxers). I blew balloons for my sister's birthday party and also did some reading by the water. I listened to great music all day. I hung out with my sister's friends for a bit during her party and did a water balloon fight. I had carrot cake. Then, when the sun had finally gone down, I went inside and watched Batman: Return of the Caped Crusaders, which was a laugh and a dozen, written by Michael Jelenic (who is the co-creator/one of the main writers of TTG) and then finished the night off with time with my own friends.
Also, that morning, I had time to watch good Saturday cartoons: my favorite, Teen Titans Go!, of course.
Sunday: a mix of cartoons, family time, some playing outside in the morning, went to Michael's (the arts and crafts store, I don't have a friend named Michael) with my mom and sister and got some clay and acrylic paint. Then: adventures at Publix. Then: went home and played with clay. I modeled a little Booster Gold + Skeets on his shoulder (Justice League Unlimited version) and also a little robot with a cape (I'll paint him with Superman colors). Mom made a good Norwegian stew for dinner.
Crap, I just forgot what I was going to say. That burns.
I've been doing lots of meditations at night and working on having lucid dreams for both self improvement purposes and also creative purposes. I want to explore my Higher Self in Jaketopia and see what I can improve there. I need to work on a lot of things.
I forgot to bring comics to school today, so all I've got is my lousy lucid dreaming book from the library (Lucid Dreaming Made Easy by Charlie Morley -- it's actually a really fantastic book, I lied) and that uncomfortably intimate, sardonic read The Sea by John Banville, which I should be done with by now, but I haven't picked it up in days just because it's not the best book.
Today: enjoying this Booster Gold issue in first period thus far. Good old Blue 'n Gold buddiness, and I was pleasantly surprised by Mister Miracle. School's gonna be a breeze today. Fun fact: my substitute this class is actually the mom of my regular teacher. In the afternoon: will spend time outside and also do some weightlifting.
PS: I remember what I was going to say. The Flash movie comes out tomorrow. Boom. Yes, I'm excited.
PPS: My spirit animal today: a smiling human.
12:43PM. Primate, I'm sorry, but this blog is starting to all caps, in bold, B-O-R-E me.
Nevertheless, today is Thursday. And since it's already 12PM, instead of saying it will be a good day, I can confidently say it HAS been a good day.
Just so you know, when I say every day feels like a Friday, I really mean that.
I'm gonna work on Primate soon.
1:36PM. Well. I guess saying good morning now would be a little too late. So, I bid you a good afternoon.
Let's recap...
YESTERDAY: I did everything I wanted to. Minus receiving a cookie in Spanish. But it was still a good day.
After school, I was able to pop by the library. They really cheated me there. I checked if Death of Superman was in the system and the catalog claimed that it would guide me sweetly to the shelf where it would be stored. Well, there I was at the adult graphic novel section, and there is no Dan Jurgens classic under the GN SUPERMAN call number label anywhere... NO. NO. It couldn't be. I'll find it.. I must have just missed it when I was looking around.
Well, turns out it was more than that. I went to talk to the librarian and she helped me look for it. We explored all nooks and crannies of my local library to no avail. She even checked the back for me -- that was incredibly kind. She told me she discovered a harrowing new lead on the book when searching it up -- the book hadn't circulated in a very, very long time, which means there is a high chance it is lost and buried between the crevices of the county library shelving system. It may never be recovered, due to a simple mistake of misplacement. But not all was lost. She told me she put a "tracer" on the book for me, so she could call me if it ever turned up, and also placed a hold on it for me. And, if it doesn't ever emerge from its lowly, enigmatic depths: she could simply let me borrow it from another nearby library. Well. That worked out.
The trip to la biblioteca was not all lost, though. You see, I found some other goodies for myself. Some collection of George Perez' Justice League work, a Super Sons TPB I'm 99% sure I've read before (but I digress -- it's still a good book, or I wouldn't have read it before. What's the harm in doing it again?), Snowpiercer (if I'm being honest, I don't even know what this one is about), and something else, I think. I forget. Also, there's this thing where you can get any book you want shipped to your local library for you to check out, free of cost to you, so long as it's carried in the world catalogue (or something like that). You just request the ISBN number. The librarian taught me how to do this yesterday, and helped me request Dying Inside by Robert Silverberg. Today, I'll file requests for some Booster Gold books, and also anything else on my reading list (main thing I can think of right now: this book about a girl who's consciousness gets transferred into a MONKEY. Yeah. That's Primatian if I've ever heard it).
After the library: did some snacking and watched some cartoons (Teen Titans Go! What else?) and then did a work out. After that, some more Teen Titans Go!, some organizing upstairs, spending time with my family, and then dinner. Then, chores, then a fun videocall with my best friends. Then some reading in bed. Current book: The Sea by John Banville. Then, sleep.
Pretty good day, huh?
11:30AM. When I tell you I'm kicking myself. I can't believe I didn't do a blog post on Friday. I had the perfect thing to say: "It's Friday. Today is going to be a good day. Oh, by the way. You know how every day feels like a Friday? Well, today IS Friday. It's TGI FRIDAY." Or... see, that just isn't cohesive. I had the right thing to say the other day but just know -- IT WAS TGIFRIDAY.
And today? Today is Monday. And today is going to be a good day.
ALLEGEDLY: I'm going to get a cookie today. Mayukha told me before the weekend that today she was bringing me one. Unprompted. I thought that was incredibly kind. But I'm from Jaketopia, '65. The south border of WJKT. The things I saw... the monkeys I've seen. It's hard to trust a good thing when you've seen the swamps like that...
Primatian War. Get it?
Anyways. Friday was just a lovely day. Nice dinner with family. Comics. Friends. Etcetera. I asked for a Pocky stick from this guy in AP Human and he gave me two instead of one. What amazing blessings the world brings...
Saturday: spent time with grandma, had delicious soup for dinner. Saw a hilarious little wiener-dog that was no joke probably a foot long and six inches tall. It was insane.
Sunday: the most lovely day -- it also happened to be yesterday. A usual delight. Barnes and Noble, treated myself to dinner for one, bought a book, and watched cartoons in the morning. Just so you know -- I only spent a dollar from my bank account that entire day. The magic of gift cards.
Monday: I have to write in journalism today (bleh!) and do some work in driver's ed, as well (oh... the horrors, frankly). But I'm still going to try to get in as much time as possible to continue All Tomorrows, which I've had on pause since whenever I wrote about it last. It's a good book. Very JAKETOPIAN. Then: I want to go to the library after school. Then: do some weightlifting. Finish off the day with maybe some homework, some cartoons, reading outside. Sounds like a good plan.
PS: MY HAIR IS TOO LONG.
2:45PM. You know, people crack a lot of jokes about how the new MCU flicks are just huge boiling soyfests, and how superheroes have changed so much, they were never like this before... but really, when you read some Mister Miracle's (vol 2) it feels like the same kind of mindless, chuckling entertainment. And I eat it up every time.
2:25PM. A screwball was thrown my way. My girlfriend and I broke up. Hey, ever notice how when a guy gets broken up with, he says "we broke up", but if he breaks up with someone, he says "I broke up with her"? Laugh, now. That was barely even a joke. It's observation, really, not comedy. But look at me. Do you really want to kick a man while he's down? Remember what I said about an angel losing their wings...? (If you don't remember, a few posts back I mentioned that whenever you don't laugh at one of my jokes, an angel loses its wings. Yeah. I bet you feel pretty bad now.)
Just kidding. But seriously. We broke up. Now, I'm going to review some comics.
My review: I liked it a lot. Sometimes it's nice to just kick back and indulge in some appropriate teen fiction. Peter Tomasi's Super Sons books are always a real basketful of fun and good for quick laughs and action-packed buddy adventures. Damian and Jon are a great dynamic duo. This is less of a review and more of just me saying that I really like the comics.
That was one "review". Later I'll do a speedrun of superhero thoughts. Right now I just want to read some more Booster comics and listen to Talking Heads.
PS: I think it's time to go back to Jaketopia.
PPS: That was just a sad blog post. Excuse me.
9:51AM. You wanna know something? And this might come as a big surprise.
Well, it's Thursday. And guess what? Today is going to be a good day.
It's less than 24 hours before the "every day feels like a Friday" sentiment-slash-catchphrase really starts to come literally. What goodies are in store for me on this fine spring day? Well -- I'm glad you asked. First of all, yesterday I had a great morning. I got up early and had free time to do what I wanted before getting shipped off to the old dog house (that's my school -- that would be funnier if you knew what school I went to) and have to start my educational day. Then, of course, there was the amazing cookie surprise that came to me during first period. Nice. And the rest of the day followed kindly in suit; the only problems that I had were generally predicted or just simple missteps. By that I mean, no, I'm very sorry to tell you this, I did not get to have my poop at Barnes and Noble. Maybe today's my lucky day for that.
BUT: I did read some good comics. Some Arsenal-focused Titans story from a skinny little TPB I found at B&N (acronyms, anyone?). Yesterday: "Odd" block day at school. Was a good day. Today: "Even" block day at school. Even better day, surely. But every "today" is better than its "yesterday". That's why life is so great.
I started off my day at school with a math quiz/test thing that I am more than positive I ACED. 100. If I got a one hundred on it, I don't have to take the test, and I get a 100 for the summative and formative grade with very little effort. Boo-yah. Etcetera. I love this class.
Post-quiz activity: did some math work to appease my teacher (also, it's an assignment due next week). Then: read a pretty funny Mister Miracle issue that had everything I'm looking for. Laughs, humorous action, my favorite characters, and some good old Blue 'n Gold buddy-buddying. Ah, the days feel good.
NEXT TIME IN MY LIFE: Jake adventures to his first "free period" of the day. Will he have loads of fun and laughs? SURELY. Tune in later for updates.
PS: Wait... I forgot to say what goodies are in store for me. Can someone please give me some goodies?
11:19AM. Wednesday. Today is going to be a good day.
Who was I to say today wouldn't pan out the same "perfect, beyond perfect" way it did yesterday? What a misinformed assumption based solely upon the fact that today is a different type of block day at school than its predecessor. Perhaps, today will be even better. In fact, remember how I said that if it was destiny for me to get a cookie, then fate would have a kind classmate bring me one (a biscuit or otherwise)? Well, yesterday, no one did. And I had a great day yesterday. But first period today, a very generous peer stopped by my desk before the bell rang. She told me her mom said that she didn't want these homemade oatmeal raisin cookies in the house anymore, and guess who this classmate decided would love one of the fruits of her disposal? THIS GUY 👈!
And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. And it was good.
(I mean, really, this is the life. You put it out there you want a cookie. You make yourself a generally well-liked person among your gradespeople. Then, people will bring it to you. What is it? If you build it, they will come... Yeah. My life really is a Field of Dreams.)
(I didn't finish the book. All I know is baseball and ghosts. I picked it up in second grade and read the word "sex" and felt like I was doing a bad thing, then banished the book from my life permanently and placed it back on the shelf.)
I had a nice stroll from first period to my next, eating this rich, oatful delicasy I had come upon ownership of, listening to some very calming, tranquil jazz music. This all followed my morning: I decided not to procrastinate on hopping out of bed at 5, and I was ready downstairs and eating an egg by 6:30. This meant I had an hour before school started to piddle around like the old days. And something about me, is I LOVE my old days. I'd like to recreate life as it was a year ago: amazing. Not that it's less amazing now. Just that that was really nice too.
In the spirit of my 8th grade morning rituals: I prepped some iced tea for the first time in a long time. Every morning, I used to whip up some tea, I had this whole thing going. I'd watch a movie or a superhero cartoon. Those were very, very good days. In fact, old Primate fans (now that's arrogant and presumptuous -- I know there are no "Primate fans" unless you count... THIS GUY 👈!) might remember the old recipe/little blog post about my tea from, well, about a year ago. When Primate was much more colorful and likely a lot slower.
Anyways: no, I'm sorry to tell you this, but I didn't shave this morning. SOMEONE (I'm someone) didn't seem to get the memo that his trimmer isn't waterproof. Oops... That was me being a little slow, wasn't it?
Fingers crossed it's just out of battery... after charging for two days.
Yesterday, keeping myself occupied was a pretty sound plan when it comes to ideas on how to keep my mind off of the things that go bump in the night. Today: I've got to continue this trend. Let me map out the day.
Next: I have Turner's. But not journalism with Turner -- two hours of ELA with Turner. Well. Suddenly I'm not thinking of the class so fondly. But I'm sure it'll still be fun. Rice, even?
Then: Lunch in the middle of that.
After Turner's: Last period of the day. Spanish. Should be a breeze. Please, please be a breeze. I brought the DCEASED hardcover that collects all of the DCEASED main event plus the "A Good Day to Die" storyline. And I already finished it, so I'm out of luck when it comes to paper to read. BUT! I always have my journal to write my own stories in, and that's always good at occupying me. And I really must stay occupied.
FOLLOWING THAT: It's time to go home. On the bus... listening to music and looking out the window. Lovely as always. Then, once I'm back at the Jake Manor, there will be no time for sitting outside and reading today, unfortunately... INSTEAD I'M GOING TO BARNES AND NOBLE! Quite possibly my favorite place in the world suburbs. I'll do some work there and it'll be a ball.
When I come home: Anna says we can call, but I don't know if it'll really end up working between our schedules, and also I know she's just kind of busy lately and there's not as much time for stuff like that, so I'm not sure if that's really going to happen. Although I hope it does. Never fear: I have more plans to replace that appointment if it falls through. I'm going to lift weights like yesterday and then spend the rest of the night enriching myself with all the hodge podge projects I like to dive into. So. School from now until 3:40. Then bus until about 4:15. Then home for I don't really know how long. Then from whenever I leave for Barnes and Nobles to probably about 8PM. Then home again. Then maybe talking to Anna, but you know how it is. I have contingency plans, like I said. 🤷
Like Ween says: I play it off legit.
And that's my day. :)
PS: Forgot to mention that while I'm at Barnes and Noble, I'm totally going to take a huge poop in their bathroom facilities. That's probably one of my favorite pastimes.
9:51PM. Saying goodnight.
I got everything on my to-do list done. Are you proud of me? Just kidding. Desk has been more or less cleaned. I spent some time reading outside and finished: Heroes in Crisis, Teen Titans Go! to Camp (yes, the comic book), and I read about half of a SuperSons trade paperback too, which was nice. I feel kind of lonely and that's sort of a creature of my own construction (there are many creatures of my own construction. Most are robots. Monkey robots, etcetera). But I'm really doing very well. Oh, back to the completed to-do list... I'm sure it's to the website viewer's ultimate satisfaction to know that I DID in fact cut my toenails after school. And I DID in fact work out after school. So everything's done. Feels good.
Tomorrow, school won't play out the exact same perfect, beyond perfect way it did today, but then again: every day feels like Friday, and tomorrow won't be an exception. Haven't you heard? Spring has sprung, and I'm very happy. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I hope I have a good dream tonight. Also: tomorrow I will share my fleeting but excited and strong opinions on both Heroes in Crisis and also the Teen Titans Go! comic. In short: Harley was redeemed to me in that book. I was too quick to judge. Her friendship with Batgirl always is a nice addition to her storylines, and if I would have just bit my tongue a little longer, I would see the comic actually brought to light her more serious side like I wanted. As for the main attraction, Booster, that was nice. I really appreciated the Blue and Gold buddy-buddiness like always and it was really great to see them hanging out and scheming together. More on everything later. As for the TTG book: my first time reading one of the show's comics, but I really enjoyed it. For a lot of reasons. Again, more on that later. Main things: 1. Mister Miracle pops up. 2. Classic Teen Titans Go! references to all my favorite parts of the DCU.
Well, I've got to go to bed now. My body's sore from my workout earlier and that's always a good feeling. Feels like I did something. Night night, Primate. I bid you many superheroes and comic book reviews tomorrow. And maybe some sci-fi stories. In all honesty, maybe reading All Tomorrows wasn't such a good idea. It's kind of haunting me now that I'm about to settle into bed.
PS: What was it Todd McFarlane said? Hell is alive and well on Earth? You ever think about how the element lurks all around? My good dream tonight is either going to be a loving embrace or some sex-trafficker getting shot in the face. What is it that Uncle Sam says? We need you.
2:30PM. OKAY -- I GET IT -- TOO MANY BLOG ENTRIES. But listen!
Like I said, I'm totally bored in Driver's Ed. I should probably do the Driving Simulator (something negatively Jaketopian about that. PS, there's a good Jaketopian and a bad Jaketopian. That's bad Jaketopian. That's, like, Future-Central-Jaketopia-Urban-Horror-S#!T) (What a dramatic young man I am.) but instead, I wanted to browse the BOOSTERRIFIC website for a good comic. But I got sidetracked even there and decided to explore the blog. THIS IS WHEN IT HAPPENS: I see they've posted about this tweet from Booster Gold creator Dan Jurgens:
Hey, did you know that's the first image I've assigned to a post here, on-site? Cool.
Anyways, this is exciting. I love that song SO MUCH and I already associate it with superheroes (mostly Rorschach, and my own personal Sprawl, but still!) and I was SUPER EXCITED to see Dan say it has to do with Booster. I don't have Twitter so I had to hear it on the Boosterrific site and boy am I GLAD. That was cool. Okay, that's all I have to say. PS: And no, I don't have time to make a line break for this "post script"... Anna said hi to me just now. Cool. I love when my girlfriend talks to me. She's cool. (I'm super happy, all around, now.).
2:19PM. Last period. I'm bored.
I miss Anna. I hope her job interview is going well. Everyone do three cheers for Anna!
I think one of my main pitfalls as a person is that when I'm content in my own life while something exists in the world, I just write it off as, "I'm okay with this.". Even worse is when I say I'm fine with things being so and may even like it over the utopian alternative because "that's just the way it is". There's no dreaming in that and no sense of personal ideology. So. Chew on that, Jake.
PS: Jake, why would you say that about me? I thought we were friends. You could stand to be a little less critical.
1:11PM. My fourth entry of the day. Can you tell I have a lot of free time on my hands?
It's now my second study hall period. Turner allowed me to come to her class instead of my math teacher's during study hall, which I was thankful for because my math teacher kept an eagle eye on me while I was in there, and I didn't like that very much. It didn't work well with my whole plan about "just reading and such". I'm sitting in the corner and I'm going to be doing more reading. I feel okay. Today is still a good day. :)
Website to-do list: add extra logs. Like book logs, movie logs, etc. Add Sprawl page. Superhero fanpages. etc. Just fun stuff. I'll do them if I feel like it. That's the beauty of the "personal site".
PS: I might want to be a professor when I get older. Maybe. I might also want to be a crime-fighting space-detective.
PPS: Spending my time trying to decide which of the following to read: fun Booster Gold comics or All Tomorrows (PS: 2:10PM. I did read some All Tomorrows. Cool, definitely up my alley, but a bit of a downer). Or I might just say "eff it" and read some old Ambush Bug stuff, or better yet, some Tiny Titans issues, which are just plain mindless fun. Fun fact: did you know I actually have a few issues of Ambush Bug at home? And Son of Ambush Bug. Prized possessions.
12:22PM. Still in journalism. Reading All Tomorrows. I miss Anna. She's got a job interview today. It's time for me to really take initiative to double our income as a couple. I won't be able to sustain our joint-life together on saved-up holiday money forever. The next time I see her I want to have a date where we go to the cat shelter, visit the kitties, walk on the trail from there to this shopping mall/neighborhood area that has a place to get ice cream I have a gift card for. To eat our ice cream, we'll go out to this green area nearby and watch dogs run around and play there. That would be very nice. I'll run this by her soon.
I've been having incredibly vivid dreams. I want to know what they mean because there have been common themes in a lot of them. I think it's strange I've been dreaming so much at night, considering I typically never do (or, never remember them when I wake up. You know.). I started having all these dreams when I was reading Flowers for Algernon a few weeks ago. They're INCREDIBLY vivid -- I need to emphasize this. When I recall them they feel more like memories than anything. And my thoughts in my dreams have been pretty keen to how absurd things are when they get absurd -- at least, more than usual. Dream logic is still never 100%. But last night, in my dream, I almost turned a huge corner. I was standing in "my" kitchen, which was actually my grandmother's kitchen planted in my house, and my mom was sitting on a stool at the counter. I asked her, "Are you sure this isn't a dream?" and she laughed and said something to the effect of, "Of course not, why would it be?" and I said, "Because this isn't our kitchen. This is Grammy's kitchen." And my mom asserted, "What are you talking about? This has always been our kitchen." And I walked away thinking, I guess she's right. Our kitchen does look a lot like Grammy's. And then I woke up and realized, no it doesn't. So I would have reached full dream-consciousness if it wasn't for my mom's reassurances.
My dreams are getting really strange. I won't share the repeating occurences because they seem even too personal for Primate. But I'm starting to wonder what it means. Last night, I only dreamed from 3AM-6AM. When I slept from 10-3, there wasn't anything. But after waking up briefly in the middle of the night and going back to shut-eye all the images erupted.
PS: Any psychoanalysis truthers out there who think they could help decipher things?
11:25AM. I finished lunch and came to Turner's class early because I like being in her presence now -- again, I'm surprised myself. It's amazing what a difference her bringing me cookies makes -- also her complimenting my informal classroom debate skills. 15 year olds love getting their big heads rubbed. Anyways... I've been a big talker my entire life, but lately I've been quieting down. This doesn't mean that I want to be around people less. I like doing things silently while being around the people I care about. That's why it was nice reading my comics yesterday while Noah and Wesley talked in the background. It's just nice to be among people. That's why I like going to school. I do my work, but there's always someone there. That's why I like going to Barnes and Noble. I do the same things I'd do at home, but I get to be around lots of people in a special place. It's just nice.
I could have bought a cookie today, but that didn't even cross my mind as something I might slightly want to do, because I know Turner is bringing me cookies on Friday, and if it's meant to be that I have a biscuit on this exact day, then there are some nice classmates I have in journalism that may bring me one by chance. This happens sometimes and I appreciate it a lot. I like that people are kind to each other. Also, I like getting free cookies. (PS: 2:13PM. I didn't get any cookies. That's okay. In fact, it's great, because I would have regretted it if I had).
All the little things people do matter to me. It means a lot to me when I walk through the halls here and someone makes eye contact with me and offers a wave and a smile. It means a lot when someone stops for just a moment to ask me what's up or tell me a quick story about what they're doing.
I almost want to go get a haircut again now because I love the slightly strange ladies who have been cutting my hair. They feel like aunts. The first lady, Crystal, raves about little old me to everyone, including my own self, which is just flattering. She said she loves listening to me talk and thinks I'm very sweet. Thanks! I hope that's what most people think about me. She always tries to cut her clients' hair nearby me when I'm there so that she can listen to me talk (she told me this -- I'm not being presumptuous and arrogant. Although, I do seem to be very presumptuous and arrogant in other corners of my life. I'm just not being balloon-headed right now). (New to-do list item: be less presumptious and arrogant. Don't presume! Okay, 'cause then you make a pres out of um and e...). Anyways -- as I was saying -- I appreciate it a lot. And the lady who cut my hair last time, Jessica, was also great. She was very outgoing, kind of quirky, and enjoyed talking with me about God, monkeys, and my favorite book, Flowers for Algernon. I also appreciated that a lot. She was a friend of Crystal's that I was referred to because she fit my budget better (I've gotten my hair cut by both of them once. I try to let my hair grow for around 4 months at a minimum before getting it cut. When Crystal gave me a cut she gave us a more than 50% discount on the appointment because she said I was such a delight. That sure made me feel good about myself -- I AM charismatic after all! Except, by calling myself charismatic I just revert back to being arrogant and presumptuous. Dang it...). Crystal had the seat next to mine the whole appointment and listened to me talk and also pitched in here and there and said my hair looked great when it was done. When I left, I heard Crystal and Jessica talk about me and say I was just the smartest little kid. I'm getting to the age where not many people will call me a 'little kid' like that anymore, so I appreciate it. Few things are better than being able to talk to someone who really is interested in what you're saying.
Also, less and less people are calling me the "smartest" because I'm too arrogant and presumptuous.
PS: Every time you don't laugh at a joke I make on Primate, an angel loses its wings. Thanks a lot.
10:07AM. Today is going to be a good day.
On my to-do list: Clean desk after school. Clip toe nails after school. Workout after school. Shave in the AM.
Yesterday: a couple new comics from the library. I forgot to bring my Heroes in Crisis copy (that I checked out yesterday) to school today, but it's okay because I have plenty more things to occupy me here. I was excited to read Heroes in Crisis after avoiding it for a year because I suddenly LOVE Booster Gold. Unfortunately, it's a trade off. I get a Boosterrific story -- but have to give up my precious time to the Harley Quinn storylines, too. I just don't like her. I like her modern-day concept: she was working with the Clown Prince of Crime and then suddenly turned a new leaf, and despite trying to establish her own name in the criminal world, still has a kind heart and plays the hero now and then. Cool. But the way she's written a lot, she just seems kind of brainless and obnoxious. I liked her in the White Knight stories because there was some depth to her that was that of a serious person instead of a childish all-play-no-work ex-sidekick.
Booster Gold, on the other hand, never gets old. Even though it's the same gimmick over and over. But come on -- he's the greatest hero you've never heard of.
After the library, I spent some time with Noah and Wesley, which was nice. I appreciated that Noah cared about what I had to say and it was nice to have company while I just read my comics. And Wesley is always just nice to be around. My favorite thing about Wesley: his creativity.
I had chicken breast for dinner, my favorite.
Today: GREAT day at school. The only thing I was even slightly dreading was this geometry quiz I had to make up (I was super sick when we learned the material for it, so I didn't get to take it with the rest of the class). But even so, I wasn't really worried, because geometry is my best class. School is a breeze. Waking up in the morning might give me a kick in the head sometimes, but once I get on the bus and into my first class, everything settles in a really pleasant way. Even getting out of bed first thing is a nice thing because it's part of my daily routine. Every day feels like Friday. I feel good.
Anyhoo, I got the geometry quiz out of the way in my first period and it went wonderfully well. So for the rest of the day, since today's one of the best block days, all I have:
And that's my school day! Sounds pretty good. I intend on reading lots of comics, writing lots of fiction, doodling lots of little square dogs, robots, and monkeys. Also: talking to my peers and getting around to reading All Tomorrows while listening to some acutely delightful music.
After school: I'm going to clip my toenails, possibly shave, but I'd prefer to do that when I shower tomorrow, lift weights, then spend some time in the sun with Heroes in Crisis. Another draw to Crisis: Tom King wrote it, and after experiencing his amazing Mister Miracle run, I just had to see his take on Booster (who had a lovely, brief cameo as a drunk best friend to Scott Free amid the war on Apokolips and New Genesis. Ted was also there.).
And: I love finding stuff in my daily life that references the things I enjoy the most. A girl came into my class and I realized she was the girl who was talking about Nightwing the last she was in here. Smile -- I love Nightwing. Also, she told the teacher, "I have a feeling I'm going to be very sick the day of the test. Ferris Bueller sick." That made me chuckle a bit.
On top of everything, I'm trying to secure a job at Subway. That would be great, because I don't have a very stable income at this rate. (The rate: ZERO DOLLARS PER HOUR). Unfortunately, knowing myself, I don't see me doing anything real impressive in making strides to that. But I really should get a job.
PS: I linked an Owl when I said "Anyhoo", but I was really just thinking about Dan Dreiberg.
PPS: About Harley Quinn: before anyone says anything, no, I won't read Suicide Squad. I know it might redeem her, but I hate those big team comics unless they're all characters I love. Spoiler: I don't love any of those oddballs. But, I do enjoy the Suicide Squad cover with Ambush Bug on it. I like him.
7:18PM. Life is good lately. I went to the library today and dropped off a huge bag of books I hauled over a month ago. I paid some big fines. I don't have any homework and today was my first day back to school after spring break. I'm in the home stretch of freshman year. Bittersweet but feeling mostly sweet right now because summer's gonna be up and kicking in no time.
~12PM. Life update OVERLOAD. Just kidding. I'll keep it simple. I had another really amazing weekend with Anna 4/1 to 4/3. It was just perfect. It was our anniversary and we were on spring break. So much fun. I got to spend that Saturday with her in downtown Athens, which we haven't been able to do in a while. It was really lovely. Anna's made us gym-buddies and we worked out together which was a really nice way to bond. I showed her how to lift weights, and I think she enjoyed showing how strong she could be and showing she could learn stuff quickly, but she still preferred doing cardio. We're two sides of the same coin. I think she's great.
Apart from Anna, there's a lot going on that I wish I would have been writing down (so I could upload it here). So much droning about monkeys, hominids, super-heroics. Hopefully I'll put some stuff on here soon.
PS. Using Primate as a total personal site which I will work on to my full liking. The Jaketopia page came down and I'll talk about my Earth more in blog entries and fictional posts.
Been writing a lot about animals and aliens lately.
PPS. Let me prolong this...
Anna asked me yesterday why I haven't been drawing Jaketopia/Annaland/etc lately and I realized I really haven't. I also haven't been writing Earth-2 as much lately. I used that stuff for personal reasons mostly before and right now I've been using Sprawl more, I guess. But there will be a Jaketopian renaissance...
11:48AM. General life update since it's been 20 days. There's a lot going on in my head right now (per usual) but I'd say the direction of things leans positive. The two constants in my life are my amazing girlfriend Anna and my fantasylands. I'm dreaming with my eyes open.
Fixed Jaketopia page.
Jaketopia page is a mess. Can't even read it and I'm the one who wrote it. Just run-on sentences. Need to re-do.
I'd like to credit my school counselor for moving me to do my work. I finished my ELA project on time, finished all my other assignments. Just need to catch up on journalism work. Just do it...
12:40PM. Life update...
12:31PM. Sometimes I come on here to say something serious like the post below and I realize just how laughable I sound. Anyone reading this probably rolls their eyes at my elementary fantasies of a better world and guffaws at my delusions of grandeur. You probably want to put me in a half-nelson and give me a playful knuckle to the head.
11:44AM. Don't you feel like we're playing God too much?
Biology classes teach the concept of "artificial selection" casually, brief lectures delivered in the same manner as the ones about fossils and the pressure of gases. This can't keep happening. This isn't right. Sometimes it tears at me, like right now. It's not just our luxury service dog-breeding that's removing us from our grounded places in the universe. We've stunted human evolution by ceaselessly creating new pathways and shortcuts for dysgenic bloodlines to continue through. We've weakened ourselves and completely weakened our purpose for being strong. It's so possible for anyone to survive and for any individual to reproduce. Pleasure, intimacy, and the core reason for intercourse have all been muddled and tainted by sin that began to erupt 10x more rapidly into average society post industrial revolution. On top of this, the internet, media, and pop culture have radicalized and ruined what sex should be, turning common desires from sweeter ideas into an amalgamation of different violent dances of two-person masturbation (as if there weren't already sicknesses on the streets leading us to this place in the world of lust -- we've just sped it up and made it worse). Our exponential growth in population WILL come to a halting end. This expedituous expansion of mouths to feed makes us not unlike to rabbits, and their overproduction of hopping bunnies, except it makes us completely something otherworldly, because now we have nothing stopping even the runts from surviving. We will continue to overpopulate the earth until we experience a great reset that I DO believe will happen. It's kind of Malthusian, part of what I'm trying to say, that we're going to keep doing this until we detonate some great war, famine, etc that causes a great reset, but that's not what I came here to say. I Also didn't come here to sound like a eugenic, because that's not what I'm talking about.
I haven't really reached the point I came here to make and I'd like to apologize for that, I'm a little incoherent right now, I just came here to collect my thoughts and type them all out. What I've been trying to get to is actually common knowledge and very oft discussed, but I believe in it strongly. We've enabled, if not encouraged (especially in The West) unhealthy nonheritable traits to continue to rise, most notably diseases like obesity, because we've taken the practice of post-modernist delusions fact-rewriting into our very, very dirty hands and decided to spread information that gives people no reason to believe that what they're doing is a detriment to their quality of health/life.
It IS sustainable to return to a life of civilized "savagery" (oxymoronic but let me explain). Perhaps there is a perfect balance of modern conveniences and wilderness. The mental clarity and physical advantages of oldstyle survival paired with modern soap and towels. Maybe that would be perfect.
Now I've just lost my train of thought and don't know where to go.
11:59AM -- one minute from PM. Walking back from lunch, I saw a young man clad in a suit walking through the halls, with a bit of a gimpy saunter. He reminded me of The Penguin, minus the obesity. He was even carrying some elaborate staff.
I was listening to this song when he passed by me. That song, with its strong and heavy instrumentals, reminded me of Ozymandias. So I grinned and pictures Adrian Veidt and Oswald Cobblepot casually crossing paths...
//
PS: If I was a Watchmen character I'd be the mild-mannered second Nite-Owl. Daniel Dreiberg.
10:10AM. Have to hurry posting this or I'll run out of inspiration to work...
I just wanted to pop in with a life update. Past few weeks feeling under the weather. Sort of. Kind of going out of my head. Obsessing over things, blasé attitude towards life, etc, had this thin layer of calm resting over everything and overall felt pretty numb, out of touch, in dreamland. Always in dreamland. Always in Jaketopia. Yesterday, during lunch, felt like I was going to pop. Visit school counselor for first time. I like him. We talked for ~1hr30min and I just poured my heart/soul/etc onto him littered in with my classic WITTY BANTER and CHARISMATIC TAKE ON THINGS. He recommended Candide by Voltaire to me and said that it reminded him of me. I made him laugh and towards the end of the conversation I was feeling more grounded, which was good. We were talking about what's stopping me from doing things, and he said, "Why don't you just do what Phil Knight says?" and I said, "What?"
COUNSELOR: Why don't you just do what Phil Knight says?
ME, again: What?
COUNSELOR: Why don't you just do what Phil Knight says? [this was for the third time -- he was being patient with me]
ME: Oh, Phil Knight. "Just do it." I get it. That's a good one. I thought you kept saying "Bill Nye", and I was like, do what? "Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill."
And then he laughed, and I laughed, and he said, "I figured you'd pick up on that one," and I felt like myself. And we kept talking, and he wasn't being a doucher about being "candid" with me (get it?) and I appreciated that a lot. And he seemed to understand. I told him about the cities and the whole sin thing and I told him about consumerism, and he cracked a joke at me later about how what I was, and what I care about, is all a product of consumerism, and I smiled, because he wasn't being a doucher about it, and he was right. And he knew it was ironic, and he said he was digging at me, and I explained to him all my hypocrisies and he told me I sounded really self-aware. And it felt like talking to a friend, and I really enjoyed it. At the end, he told me he really enjoyed the conversation, and he thanked me. "I didn't expect when you came in today that I would have this conversation. I enjoyed that a lot, thank you." And that made me feel happy. And I said thank you, too.
Getting off the bus, my mind was revving, operating on high-energy. There were about a billion things going on in my head, and this is how it is all the time, but now it's all a little louder, and I still felt like I was going crazy. Like I had been for a while now. You know how it is, up and down, up and down, and neither up and down are really good. The middle is perfect. Goldilocks. Just right. So I'm lurking in the upward section, and I finally, finally feel like I'm going to do something to balance myself out, and I talked to my parents briefly, found out we were going to Savannah next weekend (which was really nice to learn, except sad because it meant I wouldn't see Anna next weekend, but I'm seeing her tomorrow, so everything's still lovely), drank a half-full glass of water (ice cold), refilled it, then headed down to the basement to lift weights. Finally, I felt like my mind was clearing.
Yesterday -- hit bi's, tri's, chest, a little bit of shoulders (just in between primary sets), and quads/glutes. Felt really, really, really good. I went down there feeling kind of chilly and dry, ended steaming hot, very sweaty, and incredibly, incredibly sore. And I felt clear-headed once again. And I also looked kinda nice. And I felt strong again, after dropping down to 102lbs (I'm not violently underweight -- I'm just 5'2).
Now, moving on from that, I had an ELA project to do. And it's IMPORTANT, VERY important, and I'm VERY behind, and it's due on Monday, and my weekend's booked (with delights -- Anna's coming), so I really, really have to get it done. Something to know about me: I have this overlying sense all the time: "Everything's going to fine. Everything's okay." And this is so drilled into my mind that I can hardly take anything seriously, re: that blasé attitude I described earlier. Nothing seems to matter when everything seems like it's going to be okay all the time. So I have a hard time completing my schoolwork. Allow me to start an unrelated tangent here:
We get a month to write essays in ELA and I write the entire thing in 40 minutes and get a 96. So what could have happened if I spent the month on it? I do this for everything. I put more work into not having to do work than I do... actually working (repetition, much?). You know that poem, "I saw the greatest minds of my generation destroyed by madness..." Replace "madness" with "laziness", and replace "I", with my name, followed by a disappointed epithet: "Jake, fart-sniffer and arrogant ninth grader..." (this is because I'm inadverdently calling myself one of the greatest minds of my generation -- I must be using the term "greatest" very, very loosely). I'm a lazy person, and I need to get myself in shape if I want to succeed. Because everyone tells me I have a lot of potential (I know I tell myself that, staring into a vanity mirror every morning and lubricating my hand while I stare at myself...) (sorry for these bad jokes), and I feel like I'm washing it down the drain by not putting anything into anything that matters. I started the year strong with all A's and let everything swirl down the sewer, for no other reason than not completing my work. My average grade for tests and quizzes is around 95, but my average grade for homework and projects would really knock me down a notch, solely because of my lackadaisical efforts and the fact that I'm not contributing to my life how I should. But I'll change this. But that's also what I say every year... And to be clear, I still have almost all A's. There's a couple holes that have been dug that I'm resolving ASAP, and then we're back into big alphabet territory.
There's a lot of irony in someone as competitive as I am being in this position.
And I've got this obsession with people knowing who I really am, knowing I'm a good kid, smart, etc, but I put so much of my time and conscious behavior into making it seem like I'm not as intelligent, not as competent, so I get expected less of. And I really shouldn't do this. I want to be a successful person and live a successful life and I fear that my ego/indolence are going to drag me down to an irredeemable place. I'm in high school now. Things actually matter, and I'm still acting like it's second grade. At this point, it's a question of whether I'm doing all of this out of a idolatrous love for myself, or a clever, cunning hate for myself...
But I didn't come here to end on a bad note, or even get into one at all! In fact, everything's going very, very well right now...
This is on the clauses of: Girlfriend coming over tomorrow and it's a me & wife weekend. Nothing feels better than waking up next to her and I have a couple days of that ahead of me. So that's obviously incredibly nice. Next, yesterday I registered for a weeklong summer camp that I've been attending for a few years now, typically for two weeks, but this year it works better for only one. I go to the UGA campus, write for a week, hang out with friends, and see my girlfriend at the end of it. It's amazing. After that, like I already mentioned, Savannah next weekend! Then, I feel like I'm building healthier habits agin. And furthermore, I do honestly think I can get this ELA project done if I put my head down and work for the whole day today, and then some on Sunday.
Oh God.
It just hit me that I only have two days to do essentially everything for this project.
I believe in myself...
//
PS: Published this. Then realized I never finished my thought after the tangent about academics and personal weaknesses. I was going to say, I've got this ELA project to do, and I was incredibly driven to work on it yesterday evening, and then the moment I was done with my workout, I went upstairs and got distracted with my Invincible compendiums, a compendium in the form of a trilogy that I've just finished establishing. Wow, I love that comic.
5:34PM. Last note of the day. I'm getting overeager. I always get in a blogging-frenzy when it first goes up. All I have to say:
1. Blog layout inspired by Terry A. Davis' rants. Familiar?
2. Whenever I'm writing, I imagine Anna reading it back and doing a sigh, smiling, and then in her voice, I hear: "It always annoys me when you don't use commas." And I get some heart eyes and my little beating thing does a big thump. Although that did make me really hot-tempered when we first started dating. To explain to anyone else that feels like she does when you read my constant run-on sentences (like this one):
Purpose in my fiction: creates tone (frenzied, excited, fluid). Or builds character, showing that's how they think. Constant, overwhelming, etc. Purpose in my blog: It's my damn blog, for God's sake! Let me say what I want! Just kidding. Combination of not needing to be grammatically correct in informal settings, and simply forgetting.
Maybe I'm pulling the whole "purpose in my fiction" stuff out of my ass. Who's to say?
5:24PM. Life update: 1. I miss my girlfriend. She's taking a nap. 2. Finished Watchmen today (could you tell?). Took longer than it should have just because I was busy reading other things. Great book. Obviously. Said everyone ever. 3. Went to library recently. Got: new Jeff Lemire books. Couple of Before Watchmen books. Plus Doomsday Clock part 1 and 2. Next, will read Saga of the Swamp Thing, maybe. It's another Alan Moore classic/general comic book history classic. I started it a long time ago and didn't get hooked. 4. I miss my girlfriend again. Note: here's another difficulty of being a super-hero. I would have to hide it from everyone which is a strain on A) my boyish ego and B) my relationship, because I don't want to lie to her, and also it would make me available less, and ruin trust. Naturally, Anna would know my secret identity first, but I just have this thing about telling people things like that. Every time I want to commit to something or do something big, I have this big stigma about telling anyone my plans, because I feel like it jinxes me, or does something to make everything meaningless, or trivial. Like when I speak on it or announce it, it's just novelty. Another note: if I were actually going to become a super-hero, I shouldn't talk about it on this blog, because when a new vigilante pops up in the southeast, you'll all know it's me, if you know me well enough, which you will. And I'd honestly end up announcing my super-hero name on this website before it became reality, and I'd get attached to the name when I said it, so it would probably end up being my actual title. Then everyone would know. But, maybe, all of this will actually undermine your belief that I WAS the mysterious masked crusader in the shadows/news because I've just explained why that would be a bad idea after posting it here. How would you know what I actually intend to do?
PS: this blog is actually going pretty swell so far, and it's just day one. A little incomprehensible and wordy -- but when am I ever not? It's on brand.
5:22PM. Line from Rorschach. "... And all the whores and politicians will look up and shout: 'Save us!'. And I'll look down and whisper: 'No.'"
Good quote, but if I was a superhero, I would save all the prostitutes. I would help them and free them. In fact, that would be one of my main goals. Ending prostitution. Freeing the women. Etc
5:11PM. These days I'm stuck on being a superhero.
It was inevitable, considering I've been stuffing my head with a mix of gaudy & exciting and conversely thoughtful & grim crime-fighting tales for about a year, and I've always been in dreamland experimenting with what superhuman powers I could imagine. But I'm really stuck on it now. You know how I get. I'm in fantasyland again. Every day I feel like I'm just in Jaketopia.
It would be great if I was a little kid again, too, because then I could wrap it all up in elementary terms and write a laughably youthful essay about it for my class. It'd be called "If I Was a Super-Hero" or "Why I Want to Be a Super-Hero" and have a byline below it that says "by Jake K". And it'd outline my main points, which wouldn't change much if I was 5 or 15. More on this later.
PS: I'm making this edit a long time in the future. It's now 4/25/23. But I'm here to just say -- what? I don't think 5 year old me would want to be a superhero for any of the same reasons I want to be a superhero now. 5 year old me would not even know about the dirty streets/heaps of trafficking abound globally.
You pestulent fool, Jake from February!
3:37PM. Someone named Ren who follows me on Instagram seems to be the only person who still engages with my websites and content. Makes me happy. Whoever you are -- I am thankful.
3:24PM. It is SUCH a relief to finally have a blog again! I've got my voice back!
I could say anything right now. But instead I'll just say something boring. I just saw how this website looks like on my mobile device (Pixel 6a) and it's not great, but it's readable. And ATP that's what I'm looking for. So much less stress than having 100+ lines of CSS like before.
2:27PM. Was tempted to change fun fact on the index to a rageful, embittered sentiment about what just happened. Had an amazing, compact, in retrospect, perfect index.html up. Accidentally overwrote it with an irrelevant file. Drove me to madness. But I solved the problem in just a couple minutes and just tried to re-write what I vaguely remembered typing there literally ~30min earlier. It was only two paragraphs, really. Not even -- half of it is just a list, which was still in my clipboard. Now I'm laughing.
Today's been a pretty good day.
Writing on an online blog like this makes me feel like Rorschach now. The next time I read about a guy who journals, I'll think it makes me feel like him.
Many more posts to come. Will be less curt then. I'm just in a hurry to upload the site to the web now.